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Week One

Week 1: 90 Minutes in Heaven

Thursday February 13, 2003 8:00pm

Ahh we start out with the voice of Jeff Probst overlooking a Steamboat [Cue Negro Spiritual]: Swing low sweet chariot, Coming for to carry me home. Ok so the steamboat was an odd sight I thought we were on the mighty Mississippi but alas only the boring Amazon. Jeff goes into serious detail of the scary animals and crazy beasts but doesn't the beast live in RI?? But then of course the shot of the mighty anaconda which reminds me of a little ditty "My Anaconda Don't want None Unless You Got Buns Hon". The important part of this intro is that Jeff has the power blue on we can all rest easy. So my opening thoughts on this sad crew of people is that they look much better than they did in the pregame so I will definitely say that my numbers are going to change except for Von Efternerererjdkf his sunglasses were GEEK. (and I would like the note that the Survivor theme song is much better than S5 however according to my closed captioning the chants are really saying buy Saturn Ion Cars and Coca-cola - who knew? Are these subliminal messages???).

So we are introduced to the tribe members: Jaburu and Tambaqui (why even bother everyone except Jeff is going to call them the womens team and the mens team I am just glad that they werent given pink buffs no need it would look like baby shower survivor)

So they start out the women vs the men and pubehead has to untie the boat from the riverboat apparently pubehead (unlike other reality tv members) wasn't in bondage films since she had some trouble with the ropes anyway they shove off then its a breakdown for everyone to kinda say what they are thinking (while important I switch over to ABC to check out the "Are you Hot" programming to see that train wreck) I flip back we have the first lecture of the game from tinted sunglasses Butch who states the obvious quote of the week "careful of those machetes they can kill you" yeah thanks Butch tell me something useful like the secret directions to the Jeff Probst tent. Another interesting fact is that we notice that the women can't high 5 not that people should really be engaging in this type of activity anyway but at least dont bop the other person on the head while doing it I have to just shake my head in shame.

But as we see Roger is big into yelling and lecturing things don't look good.

Ah commercial time and can I note that the new Saturn Ion Commercial has a song that sounds just like the beginning of Wyclef Jeans famous ditty "Just cuz she dance a go-go that dont make her a ho no"

Back to Survivor: Deena another boss. The boss role doesnt last long things don't look good.

And are they purposely leaving DG out of the mix? Sad.

I have to say for the guys that they did a great job with their shelter I can't make a case for the women. Damn shame.

And that thwim thute model has a lisp its annoying luckily she almost seems like she has a brain. I have to say I am liking the Jo-Jo-Jesus-anna she seems to have her head on straight well so far anyway and except for leaving the oars in the middle of nowhere.  That was no good! But now its time for the immunity challenge and I have to say that the immunity idol is the lamest to date what about a bobbing head Jeff Probst statuette??

So the challenge was far to stressful its odd that I was already voting for a team usually its not that suspenseful because who cares but my goodness I was on the edge of my seat and luckily Dan the man can't balance and didn't the guys hurt their twigs and berries humping the log like that?? I am predicting that most of the challenges are going to be a stream of mental and physical things to do as opposed to solely one or the other.

So far I think Rob is playing too much he is already obviously lying to everyone its not going well for the big Rob his days are numbered. So after some male bonding at the tribal council (can I just say that the Jeff Probst tent better have some prophylactics -they are going to need them!) Ryan got the boot. With all of that being said I think it was a great show the 90 minutes was key. I can't wait until next week!

Don't forget to join the Survivor Fantasy League under the tribe name of TRIBAL CHIEFTAINS. Email me for tribe info.
 
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